By the end of this, I want you to have crystal clarity about the fact that the purpose of every man’s life is to reach his potential. That he will be rewarded for every moment he spends chasing it, and punished mercilessly for every moment he distracts himself from it.
A man’s potential is the deep set of internal desires he has to achieve a mind that is at peace, professional fulfilment, a strong and healthy body, an outstanding romantic relationship, and a small number of deep friendships.
To help us see just how important these desires of his are, let’s see what a man’s life looks like if he isn’t dedicating his time and energy to them…
The first of these is the desire to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. We follow emotional impulses like lust, novelty, validation from others, and relaxation. And we avoid anxiety, physical pain, and loneliness. If you’d like proof that this is the case, look around you at our modern world of party and hook-up culture for chasing pleasure, and smartphone addiction for avoiding loneliness.
The second feature of a life without a mission is looking to others to tell you how to live and what to do. This is what leads most of us, as I did, to take the vanilla path that we’re typically prescribed from childhood. The “Get a degree, get a job, get a house, get a family” route that is synonymous with depression and materialism.
I was one of these men who did everything I was told. I got two degrees and found myself working soulless sales jobs, cold-calling for eight hours a day. I did this in New Zealand, The Netherlands, and Denmark, and reached the point that I realised that if this was all working life was supposed to be, I was going to kill myself.
But that pain taught me one thing above all else. That “getting yourself a good job” isn’t enough. It’s either achieve professional fulfilment or feel internal despair.
This led me to turn inward and explore how to turn my own curiosities into a profession. That was five years ago, and after experiencing such a change in the quality of my life, I want to share this understanding with other men.
But my anecdotal experience isn’t enough to make a robust argument, so I’ve hunted to for proof of this truth in history. The best evidence I’ve found is Dr Jordan Peterson’s interpretation of the story of Cain and Abel - the third story in the Old Testament. The Old Testament was written between 1500 and 400 BC, and has been treated as a life compass for thousands of years.
The story goes that Cain and Abel are the first sons of Adam and Eve, and they both learn that they are born into this world with limitations. Abel accepts this fact and responds by striving to improve himself. He works hard at himself and in the process, wins the respect and love of the community. Cain on the other hand, denies the existence of his limitations. Rather than making the sacrifice of self-improvement, he convinces himself that he’s already perfect. He does not win the approval of the community or God, and in his resentment of Abel, he murders him.
The point of the story is that not only is self-improvement our duty, as we’re born with limitations, but it’s the vehicle by which we create meaningful lives. Reaching our potential is what we’re here to do.
I’ve discovered that we’re each built with deep desires inside us. First, we men want to pursue some type of professional work that is exciting to us and useful to the people around us. It allows us to provide value and earn a living whilst providing us with stimulation, too. We also want fit, healthy bodies that we are proud of and that we can use to defend ourselves if necessary. In addition, we want a loving wife and a tight community of inspiring, outstanding people around us.